THIS MONTH'S PROMPTS
Writers were invited to share what people might not know about them, reflect on someone who changed their life, or take the open topic and write what needed to be written.
Entry #2261
LAND BEFORE TIME
I sail the seas in a rocking boat
that's bound to sink,
watching old habits consume me.
The commander of my ship
is no more than one.
The system wishes me death.
The devil sails the ship,
but I am the captain.
The sea is powerful,
one that gives me no mercy.
The boat floats,
but I know the devil's water only sinks.
The sea undoubtedly left me for dead.
I drift into the river of incarceration
and lift the spirit of the wise.
These walls still consume me,
leaving me without power of my ship.
Now I’m locked up again.
I’m done with this ****.
The captain of my ship
is no more than one.
Mankind should not wish death upon anyone.
I seek truth
and the promise of better land.
I seek mercy
but may never truly understand
what it means to sail these seas.
My ship is in my power,
but not when these concrete walls consume me.
Every night I sleep on the deck of my ship,
and I finally understand why I do it.
Resilience carries me through the system.
Those who seek greatness
may never understand.
I see clearly now.
I will drown the devil
and move on.
that's bound to sink,
watching old habits consume me.
The commander of my ship
is no more than one.
The system wishes me death.
The devil sails the ship,
but I am the captain.
The sea is powerful,
one that gives me no mercy.
The boat floats,
but I know the devil's water only sinks.
The sea undoubtedly left me for dead.
I drift into the river of incarceration
and lift the spirit of the wise.
These walls still consume me,
leaving me without power of my ship.
Now I’m locked up again.
I’m done with this ****.
The captain of my ship
is no more than one.
Mankind should not wish death upon anyone.
I seek truth
and the promise of better land.
I seek mercy
but may never truly understand
what it means to sail these seas.
My ship is in my power,
but not when these concrete walls consume me.
Every night I sleep on the deck of my ship,
and I finally understand why I do it.
Resilience carries me through the system.
Those who seek greatness
may never understand.
I see clearly now.
I will drown the devil
and move on.
Entry #2262
In My Head
Your voice is like the pillow I lay my head on.
I sit there and think until the lights turn on.
I get up for my day and try to pave my way.
I push you away until that time comes along.
I sit there and think of all the things I did wrong.
Once again, I can't move on.
I just want my day to move along,
but you're locked in my head like I’m locked in my cell.
At the end of my day, I feel like I’m in hell.
Your voice replays in my head.
I go to sleep,
and the day starts again.
I sit there and think until the lights turn on.
I get up for my day and try to pave my way.
I push you away until that time comes along.
I sit there and think of all the things I did wrong.
Once again, I can't move on.
I just want my day to move along,
but you're locked in my head like I’m locked in my cell.
At the end of my day, I feel like I’m in hell.
Your voice replays in my head.
I go to sleep,
and the day starts again.
Entry #2263
Not A Friend
Someone who changed my life, I would say, is my father. He changed my life for the worst. Growing up, I was sweet and untroubled. I didn’t find out who my father was until I was 11 years old. He was in prison. When I did the DNA kit, I found out who he was, and I met him when I was 13. I started to feel angry because he never tried to treat me like his daughter. He ended up going back to prison. I started getting into fights, and then I went to juvie for the first time.
My dad ended up getting out two years later. He started using drugs, and I started using them with him because I felt like he would finally treat me like his daughter. But that didn’t end up happening. All I needed was my father, not a friend. I needed a father who wouldn’t abuse me mentally. I needed my father to show me right from wrong. I needed him to show me what a man is, not a little boy.
Sometimes I wish I never met him. I know that’s mean to say, but honestly, my life would have been so much better. I probably wouldn’t be sitting in juvie, angry at the world, if I didn’t know him. I love him, but I know I can’t do better if he is in my life.
Entry #2264
The One That Makes It
I remember when I was younger, I was always told I was going to be the one that makes it. But my life took a turn.
It started with my brother using drugs, which led to him developing schizophrenia. After that, my mom wasn’t herself anymore. While she struggled, my dad was always in Mexico cheating on my mom. During all of that, it was just me and my sister at home, making our own food, washing our own clothes, and cleaning our house. I was also helping her take care of my nephew.
While we were trying to figure things out on our own, I started being in the streets more and more. Then, the next thing you know, I was in too deep. The streets had a hold on me. What I’ve learned about this life is that you’re either going to end up dead or in jail.
Now here I am in the Hall, fighting my case, having to listen to what people tell me, eating food that reminds me of dog food, and working out every day. The only way I get through my day is by talking to my family. My mom is doing good now, and my dad has stopped doing what he was doing.
My Own Opponent
If you really knew me, you would understand my moral standing and why it is that I do what I do. You would most likely know that what I do isn’t always the right thing and is often coerced by anger—patient anger. You would know I have a short fuse, but the fuse burns slowly nonetheless, like a candle burning sweet with a small sign of bitterness and a hint of sour citrus. You would know that when the fuse runs out, the bomb it’s connected to has a small delay, like a hand grenade after you pull its pin, still squeezing the lever, assuring its self-destruction.
If you really knew me, you would know that I need no one else to judge me, for I am my greatest opponent, battling with myself day and night. Fighting like two great Norsemen one-on-one, like a winter storm trying to put out a mansion-sized fire, screaming in pain from both sides. Nothing short of a constant, on-the-edge-of-your-seat horror movie. If you really knew me, you would know that I have a so-called old soul. I bear with folks who cast themselves out, along with those wrongly accused. You would know that I am a family man, standing for only what I know is right. You would know my wrongs and that my only objective in this life is to move through my wrongs, not taking any steps without gratitude.
You would know that I do my best with what’s given to me. You would know I make many mistakes within mistakes, attempting to right my first or greatest wrong, burning my own fuse shorter and shorter.
If you really knew me… you would know that I am my greatest opponent.
Cut the Grass Low
The person who changed my life is me. From the ages of 9 to 11, I was playing sports, and for no real reason, I stopped. I started smoking and drinking. I remember the first time I got caught. My parents were so disappointed. They asked what had happened to me. From 12 to 14, I was trying to grow up fast, outside with the wrong crowd. I became obsessed with that type of life. I was trying to fit in and get money to buy the finer things in life.
Then came the trials and tribulations of gangbanging. You start doing bad things, trying to prove yourself and earn your stripes. At times, I would feel this nonstop anger coursing through my body, so I would make other people pay for it. I was lost and didn't understand the feelings I was having, so I turned to the streets for comfort.
Then came the guns and violence. The first time you shoot a gun, it's loud and scary. It makes your ears ring. But it seems fun, and you don't realize how dangerous it is to have one. After you live like this, you begin to develop haters and people who are out to get you, so you begin to carry a gun for your safety. At least that's how I saw it.
I started to develop trust issues. The people I’d been around for years seemed kind of off. I started moving solo so no one could snake me. That's why you have to cut the grass low so you can see them coming.
In reality, this has consequences that often include death or jail. I thought guns and gangbanging were cool. Then I lost a friend, and now I'm incarcerated. It's time for me to change.
That First Hit
The people that I kick it with right now—I didn’t know it would lead me here. If I would’ve known what would happen, I would have never chosen this life of shame. When I was little, I started smoking with my dad. I wish I never took that first hit.
The thing I still worry about is whether I’m gonna make it in life. I hope I do. One of the things I regret is coming here. I hate being in here, laying on this thin little bed and waking up with my back sore. I hope to get out of this little cell of regret and shame.
Something serious I don’t talk about is that I really don’t like walking because I used to take off and run away from my dad. He was doing things that I don’t like to talk about. I also hate crying because it makes me feel weak at times.
I hated my life.
Entry #2268
A Damn Good One
The person who made the biggest impact on my life is my stepfather. He showed me right from wrong and kept me in check as a kid, which at the time I thought was unnecessary. But it was, in fact, more than necessary, as I was what people called a wild child.
He did what was necessary and might have even been easy on me and my brother. We were hard-headed and, from what I see now, unworthy of his grace and love.
My father—my sperm donor—left when I was young and refused to pay child support. After that, my mom dated many men. My stepdad was the only one able to deal with me, my brother, and my mom. He was and is the closest thing I know as a dad, and I would say he's a damn good one too.
The only person I've ever had a human connection with is my stepfather.
#MYDAD
Entry #2269
Words That Stuck
The people who changed my way of life are my older friends, who taught me how to move around in life.
They and their brothers told me certain words that stuck with me forever: never let your guard down and never trust too many people.
They changed my vision of the world by showing me the ropes and teaching me that life doesn't always go your way, and you’ve got to stay strong.
I carry these words with me: you’ve just got to keep moving forward, no matter what.
When I'm Gone
Girl, when I'm gone, I really hope you'll miss me. I hope you remember all the good times we had together and forget the misery. Girl, do you re-listen to the songs I played in your history? But let's not forget the reason I'm gone. I know it's not easy.
I realized it was only half my fault. Now I'm feeling kinda dizzy, but girl, I think I took too much ICO, and all I can think about is whether you'll miss me when these “good ol’ days” replay in our memories. I don't think I could see you with anyone other than me. Isn't that crazy?
But baby, the day I'm gone, no one will be there to save me like the times before. Did you ever read the signs from my history? Not a word from my socials. You'll never see me. I hope you post my pictures. Rest in peace to me. It only takes one inhale to kill all of my misery.
But baby, when I'm gone, I really hope you'll miss me.
Consequences
I remember how I used to never admit that I needed to change when I knew I did. I remember getting suspended from middle school. I remember getting expelled. I remember my mom telling me to get closer to God. But when you don’t listen, there are consequences.
Entry #2272
More Than You Know
If you really knew me, you would know I’m not from California.
If you really knew me, you would know I want to join the military. You would know I remember the first time I got in trouble at school and the first time I disappointed my mom. I still remember the look on her face.
I remember the first time I drank and smoked. I remember the first time I saw drugs affect my parents, and I remember my brothers and sisters seeing how it messed with our lives.
If you really knew me, you would know I like the 49ers. You would know I miss my kids and my mom’s cooking. I miss making her smile and making her proud of me.
Entry #2273
Lowkey Falling Apart
If you really knew me, you would know that I've been in and out of the system since I was 13, back to back, and spent every birthday locked up, even my 18th. I’ve spent time in both juvenile hall and county jail. If you really knew me, you would know that I had a son while I was incarcerated, and I haven't gotten to be with him outside of a visiting room. I missed his birth.
If you really knew me, you would know I struggle between doing better for my family and staying in the streets and my old ways. If you really knew me, you would know my little brother and I got it from the mud. Our only guidance was from our uncles, who are also in the streets, or were, so it's basically all we've ever known. When you get involved in that life, you have to be ready for what comes with it: being locked up or possibly something worse.
If you really knew me, you would know I've got anger issues, but I act like I don't. I act like my whole life is perfect even though it's lowkey falling apart. I don't like to talk about my problems. I just act like I'm happy because what are you gonna do for me? lol
But I know one day it will all be better. Until then, I'm gonna keep thuggin it.
Be Your Best Self
A person who changed something in my life is my ex-best friend. She made me realize that you should choose your friends more carefully. She showed me how someone can bring out the worst in you and betray you.
My ex-best friend did me wrong in many ways throughout our six years of friendship. My last straw was when she jumped me and stole my belongings. She also got with my boyfriend without my knowledge after manipulating me and giving me advice that pushed me toward what she wanted me to do.
That relationship left an everlasting scar and made me realize how important it is to choose your friends wisely, even if it affects your reputation.
Entry #2275
Back in Time
Loving someone is the agony of never loving again. You hope to grow up so fast that time flies by.
But the words were never true: treat others how you want to be treated. You want to try your hardest and try again, again—to go back in time.
Forever, the glass breaks just as you hit the fan. I look in the mirror to remember my old self, lost forever in the cracked glass.
Forever, I am sorry.
Entry #2276
Not Again
Troubled times have left me devastated by the white box that has managed to trap me again. My family is in despair, having to look at their adjudicated son. I hate not knowing… not knowing when I am getting out or when someone will save me from incarceration. When I sit in this box every night, I think of my girl and the hardships that come along with being locked up, both mentally and physically.
Not again!
When I write, I think of my future with my girl. But every day while I sit within these brick walls, I lose all sense of hope. This box has me in some emotional state that I really can’t grasp. This eight-by-ten room has yet to be shipped to my address. When will someone ship me home? Please, I feel like I have no purpose sitting in this cell.
Not again!
This time I’m determined to get out sooner rather than later, and yet I’m haunted by the hopeless dreams of the kids who were here before me: demolished, heartbroken, and peaceless. Will someone help me understand what is going on in my head? These walls have left me stranded on an island filled with empty desire.
Not again!
What I do affects everyone I love. I understand that part. I’m surrounded by the white bricks of this concrete jungle that I managed to return to. I think aloud, “Why am I in this box again?” They only know what information I share. Hopeless and weak with a case to my name, the hardships of being away from my loved ones have left me powerless in my heart. Not knowing what the world has in store for me is like having a wall I can't see over. Is the power of the blue door stronger than I will ever be?
Hopefully, this is the last time I sleep in a box. I never thought that being behind these walls was a possibility for me, and yet last year and now, once again, I am here. The box has yet to completely tear me down. I will never let this happen again.
Not again!


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