Artwork

Artwork

WRITING EXCHANGE 2006 to 2024

This blog was created to recognize some of the powerful writing being produced by incarcerated youth. Currently, writing is being shared between Shasta and Butte County Juvenile Halls.

2024 Planned Exchanges: March 11; April 10 ; May 22

Entry #1763
The Camp Fire
I woke up November 8th and all I could see was red in the sky. I thought it was all a dream. Next thing I know my parents are loading up the truck, talking about how we might not make it that far because the gas station is running out of gas and there was a mile long line. Me, being a criminal, I went to my neighbors and kicked down his garage side door and found two red cans full of gas. I thought it was going to be the end of the world. It took us hours to get away from it because there was thousands of cars going 10 mph on highway 32.
Prior to the fire I worked so hard to get a good job and kick a really bad drug habit. I was doing so good after catching three major felonies. After the evacuation my family was staying in a small two bedroom apartment with 9 of us. Not only did it hurt your soul, it hurt your eyes also. I saw the devastation on Facebook.
I couldn't bear it. I went and got a crank pipe to feel better. Then my family was really upset, and I couldn't help but say, "**** it." Everything I worked hard for was gone. Now I'm sitting here incarcerated and it's driving me crazy not being able to help my family and hometown. My family lost a lot. The last thing they needed was to lose me to the system again. I loved Paradise so much. Just before the fire I was riding from one end of it to the other back and forth from work.

Entry #1764
BUTTE STRONG
The camp fire has my mama’s crib looking like an ashtray and all our prized possessions looking like the butt ends of some Cubans that were all smoked way past the ideal limit of what is a finished cigar. On top of the ash, twisted metal, and my bed, it rained. So now the ashtray that was once my fishing poles, my mom’s teapots, my brothers toys and my dad’s small trinkets which held many of our dearest memories, looks like the land fill off of 99 on a rainy day. The fire itself was the destruction of our home, but the effects have brought my family closer together than we have ever been. It's hard to be optimistic at times like these, but we're all safe now. Moving forward.

Entry #1765
Changes
I was once a good girl who would go to school and listen to my parents and go to church.
I remember my mom taking me to preschool and telling me she loves me and she will be back to pick me up.
I heard she crashed and was in the hospital and wouldn’t be able to come home for a while.
I heard we couldn’t go see her because we would not recognize her.
I saw all my family crying and praying which just made me feel something bad was happening.
I worried that we wouldn’t have a mother anymore...no one to care for us anymore.
I thought about my mom and how she was doing.
I thought about where my life was heading.
I want to change everything.

I was still going to school and I basically thought that if I was behaving good, my mom would get better and come back.
I would think that God didn’t like me and my siblings and just wanted to break my family apart making me not like the world.
I needed to see Mom.
I wanted to talk to her and know what was happening to her.
I tried to help with chores, thinking that my aunt would let me see my mother.
I felt angry, sad because Mom wasn’t with me and for what God was allowing.
If God gave me back my mom, I would forgive Him and listen to my mom.
Now that I know what really happened to my mom my family told me she is watching from above.

I will make her proud and be there for my daughter just like she was there for me.
I choose to become a better person and to get an education.
I dream of seeing my mom again and being with family again.
My hope is to be the best mother I can be.
I predict that I will be a good provider for my daughter and family.
I know I will make Mom happy...I will change.

Entry #1766
Grown Up
This will be my first Christmas I miss with my family. The worst part is knowing I won't be coming home to spend any holidays anytime soon.
The judge just sentenced me 7 and a half years. I won't be able to see my lil princess grow up to become a beautiful woman. She will be 11 years old when I’m out, 11 years of age and most of her life I will not have been there to support her. I won't be there to see her open her presents on Christmas.  Most of all she won’t have her father to go to when she needs me. This, I believe, is my wake up call to make better choices, so I can be there for my family and my daughter. I want to see my Lil’ Princess graduate and do what she wants to do in life. Most of all I want to see her succeed in life and be better than her father.

Entry #1767
Things That Make Me Who I Am
No matter how tired I am, I always wake up in the morning.
One of my guilty pleasures is sugar and candy.
I wish I was the kind of person to always follow through.
At a new restaurant, it takes me a long time to order something to eat.
I am creative, but sometimes I lose my train of thought.
I have no other older siblings.
I worry that someone I love will die.
I love the word Capricorn because I feel it helps define me.
I am a sixteen-year-old female.
In my dreams, I can fly wherever I wish.
I watch TV with my son and my sisters.
I have been known to be unpredictable.
I agree to go to college in the future.
I like when it’s raining outside.
Mexican food is bomb.
I am not a meat eater.
I will not break the law anymore.
I almost always wish I was home with my family.
I am very independent. I have been that way since I was smaller.
The only thing irreplaceable is family.
I rely on my mom to care for me and my son.
I am good at some sports and drawing.
I enjoy spending time with my loved ones.
I have a brother and three sisters.
I like going to Jamba Juice.
I am a vegetarian.
I believe in love rather than resorting to discipline.
I hum when I am bored or happy.
I like to sleep and watch movies.
I like to bake with my sister.
I think everyone should eat less meat.
I am the oldest of four kids.
I don’t like to play football.
I love to watch movies with family.
My favorite movie snack is any kind of candy.
I love when I get to visit my siblings.
I cry when I get super mad.
I absolutely love having a baby boy.
I will never leave a mark on my child.
I have a lot of family members that are Capricorns.
I don’t like hairy spiders.
I prefer to sleep all day.
I judge people who I dislike.
I have a low tolerance for bratty girls.

Entry#1768
My Grandpa
When I was 14 years old my grandpa got me a four foot teddy bear for Christmas. I miss him. When I was 16 he told me to come live at his place. Maybe a week or so later he took me to work with him. While he was working he got hurt and yelled for me. I stopped working and ran over to him. I asked, "What happened?" He told me, "Shut up, grab the keys, and drive me to the hospital." The doctor eventually came out and told me he had a broken leg. Two hours later my grandpa came out and we left. One year later on June 9th my grandpa quit working, so I kept his job. About three months later my grandpa died. It's a tragedy because he was the only one there for me pretty much my whole life. I started going downhill, started getting locked up. But soon enough, I got out and went to placement for a year. When I returned, the construction site boss recognized me and hired me again.  I’m locked up yet again, but I plan to return to my grandpa’s old job as soon as I get out.

Entry #1769
Sweet Sixteen
Looking at the cold brick walls. My first time in Juvie was for less than 24 hours. This time I'm going to be locking for three to six months. As I was growing up I always dreamed about my sixteen birthday actually being like one on movies, a sweet sixteen. I didn't get to experience any kind of fun on my birthday. I had gotten locked up 2 days before. I spent my birthday, family birthdays, Halloween (one of my favorite days of the year), Thanksgiving, and now Christmas, locked up. I miss regular high school, more opportunities, school dances. In here you are stuck between the white booger smeared walls. I’m around the same people who just continue to talk about the same stuff and make up things to make the time here more interesting. There aren’t too many girls, so of course, we're the talk of the hall. I never thought I would hate this place so much, but I do. I want to leave and never come back again.

Entry #1770
Change
I was a human grenade.
I remember throwing my life down the drain.
I heard it will never be the same, you just have to be numb to the pain.
I saw a lot of friends change.
I worried about the things my family would say.
I thought there was no better way.
But I want to change…

I am improving even though I think the world around me is so confusing.
I need to keep persuing.
I try to keep improving even though I feel like keeping it moving.
I forgive those who didn’t choose me.
Now I can change…
I will let all the stress go because I choose to be successful.
I have dreams of me in a Lambo, I hope things go as planned though.
I predict I will change…
I know I will change…

Entry #1771
Keeping It on Track
I'm going to be home for Christmas but just barely in time. Everyone from my family comes and we celebrate, so I can't imagine not being there. It's crazy to think about. They weren't going to let me out for Christmas. The only reason they let me out was I did my best to stay away from any trouble or anything that would get me to not leave and I just barely get too leave on 12-21-18 with one of my buddies.  We’re both going to be home for the holidays and going to saver the fresh air of freedom.  We’re going to keep it on track. I never want to come back here. It's not me and I don't want to be that person ever. It's not how I see or feel my life will go. I'm going to high school and getting my life straight for my parents, my friends, and most important for myself. I don't care what other people think about me. I'm me and doing my own thing and not going to let other people interfere with my program, my life style, nor my family. I promise you that.

Entry #1772
All Over Again
Being locked up for the holidays sucks. I've been in Juvie for almost 4 months, and got a few more months to go. It isn't long compared to others though. I'm not complaining how long I've been or how long I’m going to stay. I just hate not being with my family on the holidays. It's my fifth or sixth time here and I'm so done with this place. I used to not mind it at all, just now with the pods coming together, with all the kids here, it's just so much drama. More than a regular high school! You're probably thinking, "No that's not true," because a regular high school has more than 1,000 kids so there must be more drama, but when people/kids are locked up for a long period of time they like to make shit up, spread rumors. It gets boring seeing the same stained, old, brick walls every day. And seeing the same people every day gets tiring. It's almost like sitting in the same room as your best friend for too many hours. You'll start arguing over little things, but instead of your best friend, it's everyone in the pod. I've been in here for Thanksgiving, my dad’s birthday, my sister’s, and also my best friend’s birthday… and now probably Christmas. Halloween too, I guess, but that's not a holiday. I just hope when I get out I don't I don't go back to doing the same ****, so I don't have to repeat this all over again.

Entry #1773
Stressing
I would love to get out for Christmas, to spend time with my family, but I am locked up and that puts a toll on me. Usually we have all my family come over for Christmas and we spend time together. This is my 7th time being locked up and I’m getting tired. I really want to change my ways because I’m stressing my mother out and that's not a good thing. She worries a lot about me and today I want to change for her. I want to change for my nephew because when he’s older I don't want to tell him I’m locked up. It is sad to think about not being with him when he’s growing up.

Entry #1774
Identity Poem
No matter how tired I am, I still get back up and try again.
One of my favorite guilty pleasures is washing my hair every day.
I wish I was the kind of person that was perfect.
At a new restaurant it takes me a long time to order my meal because there are so many decisions.
I’m creative, but I don’t like art.
I have no problem doing P.E.
I worry that I won’t go back to foster care.
I’m religious but I don’t go to church every day.
A cute, classy outfit can be just right for me.
I love the word “candy”.
I’m a beautiful young lady.
In my dreams I want to be rich.
I watch TV with my nephew.
I don’t like watching TV when I’m sleepy.
I have been known to sing, dance and rap.
I want to succeed.
I like money.
Mexican cuisine is my favorite food.
I am not a vegan.
I will not let anyone use me anymore.
I wish I had a family; the only thing irreplaceable is my family.
I rely on my nephew.
I am good at sports.
I enjoy every second of my life.
Money has been a pleasure to me.
My favorite things about me are that I’m black and I have a lot of hair.
I don’t like my attitude.
I don’t like it when people tell me what to do.
I have a nice personality, but I like to mess with people.
I believe in God.
I hum when I am mad.
I like to play basketball.
I like to argue with people.
I’m nice when I want to be.
I don’t like to play soccer.
I love to play with my nephew and feed him his baby food.
My favorite movie snack is skittles and chips.
I love the movie “Media Boo 2”.
I cry when I am sad.
I hate people that always think they know what they are talking about.
Rather than going to juvenile hall, I like being home.
I will never listen to country music.
I have one sister that cares about me.
I don’t like my mom or dad.
Twenty-one is the age to be because you can do what you want.
The worst job I could have is probation officer.
I have no tolerance for people who get on my nerves and talk too much.

Entry #1775
Rest in Peace
March 16 2016, I was sitting in my room wondering what I was going to do. My friend called me up saying there's a party and he’d pick me up about 10pm. 9pm I got dressed. An hour later my friend called saying he was pulling up so I headed outside and got into the car. When we got to the party my friend threw me a gun. I tucked it in my waist band before I got out the car. The party was cracking with music blasting and people dancing and drinking and having a good time. Me and my friend were drinking quite a bit. He told me he was going to go outside to get some air, so I stayed inside. About a half hour later, I noticed my friend never came back. I called some of my other friends and told them what was happening. I know that he didn't leave because I had his car keys. I walked up and down the street but found no sign of him. I started heading back to the party I noticed a body lying on the ground and two people were running the other way. I took out the gun.  My friend said something.  I bent down and told him to stay with me. I tried to stop the bleeding. My friend said something. I bent down to hear what he was saying. He told me not to tell his son. Soon he was gone. Tears started rolling down my face. I went home with blood on my hands, my shoes, and my pants and shirt. Five days later, I walked to his casket. I wanted to say something, anything, but all I could get out was, “Rest in peace.” This is the hardest thing I have ever been trough in my life.

Entry #1776
Fork in the Road
This is my first Christmas away from my grandma and brother. To make matters worse it's my 6-month old daughter’s first Christmas and I can't be there for her. Sadness overwhelms me. I want to cry but I can't. The tears won't shed, only layers of my heart do. I got a 15 year sentence. What can I do? The feeling of a ton on my shoulders wears me down but I won't break. I chose my path and went head first. Is this destiny or is this a message for a better future? My mind and heart want two different live's for me and you don't want know who I'm agreeing with more. One day I hope I come to my senses. One day I hope to walk my daughter down the aisle and maybe stare down her prom date. I will do anything to get to this point.

Entry #1777
Locked Up
It's been nine months and I've missed every Holliday from Easter to Thanksgiving. I've missed six family birthdays and my family has missed one of mine. But all of this is not as bad as missing Christmas. I know I won't be home for Christmas and my family will miss me. I'm going to miss Christmas dinner and my siblings jumping on me to wake me up in the morning to open presents. It's hard on my family, but I'm not going to be gone forever. I'll still be able to see the little ones and the ones I love on the holiday visits, so they don't forget about me. I know that I'll be home soon and won't miss too many more holidays. I'm not worried and I'll still be able to see them grow and become adults as long as I do what I know I have to do.






For the most part, the Writing Exchange consists of self reflective writing and personal insights along with an open forum for incarcerated youth to vent about issues they are dealing with.  Once or twice a year, we try to shake it up a bit.  This month, students tried their hand at writing Flash Fiction.  The fictional stories had to be EXACTLY 59 words...not one over or under!  Here is what they came up with:

Entry #1742
A Walk in the Park
It was Friday and Chase was wandering around the city. He saw some suits eyeing him from a vehicle. He started to walk faster, but he knew they would eventually catch up. Praying in his head, he heard the car close behind. Stopping to pee on a fire hydrant, he saw they were only there to clean a pool.

Entry #1743
Free Falling
“What should I be doing right now…I can’t remember,” Tobin thought aloud. “I know I’m missing something man, what could it possibly be?” He was falling at spine splitting speed. “Has my mind failed me?” Tobin pondered for a second, the cord dangling unbothered from his parachute. “Did I forget to brush my teeth? That must be it.”

Entry #1744
Time
Selena's begging, screaming, asking for more. She's running, trying to keep up, but the closer she gets the farther behind she realizes she is. She asks "Will you slow track if I change or can you backtrack if I promise not to be the same?" She's tired of trying. Still she keeps crying, simply asking for more time.

Entry #1745
Coma
John's 15th birthday is today. His parents bought him a 1971 Camaro. He took it out on a spin, topping out at 150 and slamming into a truck carrying toxic waste. John woke to find himself in Area 51 with the abilities of Superman. While his parents are grieving, he's out fighting the bad guys and saving the world.

Entry #1746
What Did I Do?
Anthony booked it from the red and blue, into a pitch black alleyway where he realized it was a dead end. Trapped at a brick wall, Anthony had no idea why he was running, but this was increasingly familiar. He looked back, the light and siren getting closer. As they drove past, Anthony was shocked by his good fortune.

Entry #1747
Cookie Crumble
Bob ran away from his house after stealing five cookies out of the living room.  When he returned, the door was locked and he was imagining his miserable punishment. While begging his mom to open the door, he promised not do it again. When she answered, she said, “You could have just asked,” and she handed him an Oreo.

Entry #1748
Gravity
For 17 years I've waited to hit the distillery; I'm still fermenting. I feel as if the world just wants to stop my shine. I'm the moon, you'll never see my dark side. I'm talkin' real talk with them moon rocks. This is surreal fiction with a vision. People can't breathe around me because I have no atmosphere. Moon$hine.

Entry #1749
Mom’s Hungry
I grew up in a place where nobody could even think of being. I wondered if I would make it out alive. One day, while driving, I spotted a black bag on the street corner. I stopped the car and found more than a million dollars inside. Life changed: I bought a house for my momma and some pancakes.

Entry #1750
Skate to Eight
Sashaying down the avenues, the youngster stopped his stroll to scope out two original gangsters in a desolate alley. He approached them with a few bucks in one hand, and a pair of dice in the other. Shaking their heads in disapproval, the O.G.’s decided to lace the youngster up and teach him the game of the mind…Scrabble.

Entry #1751
Drifting Off Into the Unexplainable
As he drifted off into a never ending oblivion, Johnny was staring into a pool full of gummy sharks. Mouth watering and stomach rumbling he jumped right in. He tried to take as many bites as he could before they swallowed him into their dark blue and white abyss. He thought that they killed him. His alarm thought different.

Entry #1752
Addiction
Wanting a better life for himself, Jacob threw his last cigarette into the trash. A couple days later he was having a bad day. He thought he had will power but didn’t know will power had him. He swore to never touch another cigarette in his life. That was until his best friend’s sadness and addiction came back home.

And some non-fiction…..

Entry #1753
If You Really Knew Me!
If you really know me, you would know I fake my smile to hide my pain.
you would know I fear death after seeing my cousin die in front of me.
If you really knew me, you would know I draw when I feel sad or mad.
you would know I chose to grow up fast because I was tired of seeing my parents struggle to keep our house.
If you really knew me, you would know the reason I do not let anyone stand behind me is because I was in an abusive relationship.
If you really knew me, you would know I am barely an 18 year old girl.
you would know I dropped out of school my freshman year because I didn’t have money to buy new clothes like everyone else.
If you really knew me, you would know I use drugs to make me feel happy and like there is no worries in the world.
If you really knew me, you would know that I blame myself for everything my parents are going through in life.

Entry #1754
Crazy
If you knew me, you would know I was crazy in my head.
you would know my brother passed away.
If you knew me, you would know my grandma was very sick and recently passed away.
If you knew me, you would know I saw my mother being abused as I grew up.
You would know I worry that my little brother will follow in my footsteps.
If you knew me, you would know that I want to change.
You would know I am a solid individual.
If you knew me, you would know I do not think before I react.
You would know that I am constantly angry.
You would know I jump straight to a conclusion.
If you knew me, you would know I forgive my parents.
You would know I have changed.
You would know I have to prove others wrong that thought the worst of me.
If you knew me, you would know I choose to be the best father to my daughter, best brother to all my siblings, and be the best son for my parents.
If you knew me, you would know that I dream of taking care of my family, and making a life with a lot of money.
You would know that I hope not to return into custody.
If you knew me, you would know that I could do anything I want if I put my mind to it!

Entry #1755
Beyond Me
If you really knew me, you would know I’m proud. That the hardest thing I ever did was give people second chances. One piece of good news from my life this week is finding out how much support I have from not only family but friends too. My relationship with my family is all gooda gooda.  My biggest dream is to be free so I can kick it with my family and girlfriend. The person I feel closest to is my stepmom and pops because they’re my best friends. If I could have anything, it would be money to see my family, my girl and friends again. The funniest thing I remember is my lil’ brother flyin’ down the stairs in a laundry basket. My biggest fear is losing a close person. I’ll give anything to see my pops smile. I believe in freedom, Now I can change. I plan to get a job and support the ones that supported me. I will choose not to hang out with people that caused trouble for me. I dream that one day I will put my pops in a fat house with a nice car and to put me and my female in the same. I know my dream is going to come true ‘cause I’ll work hard. If you knew me, then you would know. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, watch how long you live.” -G.D.

Entry #1756
Fighting and Trust
If you really know me, you would know I get mad and irritated fast.
you would know I like to fight.
If you really know me, you would know I like to learn new things.
If you really know me, you would know I don’t like people that talk shit.
If you really know me, you would know I can’t read a lot.
you would know I get distracted fast.
If you really know me, you would know I like to talk a lot.
you would know I am trustworthy.
If you really know me, you would know I am faithful.

Entry #1757
When They Don’t Listen
When these people don’t listen, it changes you inside
When these people don’t listen, there’s no where you can hide
When these people don’t listen
When these people don’t listen, I’m angry with foam hissin’
Rocks hittin’, goin’ back to the days I was broke eatin’ boiled chicken
When these people don’t listen, it’s a mission
To tuck yourself and stay in control
To sit there and have them think you’re bold
To tell them you’re hot but inside you’re cold
When these people don’t listen, the haunts of what’s untrue come chasin’ you
You try to be cool but everyone’s hatin’ you
And the anger gets to takin’ you to a place you know no one has faith in you
When these people don’t listen, it’s hard to decide
Whether you should live or whether you should die
If you should smile or if you should cry
Until you can, all you can do is sigh
When these people don’t listen, it’s hard to know about reality in the heat
To tell what truly happened when I was getting’ beat
Or when me and my siblings had nothing to eat
When these people don’t listen, it has emotions flippin’
Thinkin’ about my drug addict mom and my dad in prison
About my long lost family that’s gone and missin’
To think to stay strong or if I should give in
When these people don’t listen, you can’t make you mind up to scream or yell until your lungs bust
Whether it’s like or hat or just knowin’
If they’re real or fakes leaves ya mood bummed
When these people don’t listen, it’s a nightmare instead of a dream
You have no future and your life has no meaning
You have no family, you have nothing
You aren’t a person; you’re just something
When these people don’t listen, they give you “dirty stares”
Stress you out completely ‘till you have no hair
They start to rip you then leave you in a tear
When these people don’t listen, I know they don’t care

But when these people do listen, you see me happy
Have other people laughing and negativity crashing
When these people do listen, I’m thankful in every way
You can talk to me and make my anger go away
When you listen, just know you make my day
When you listen, I just pray you stay
When you listen

Entry #1758
Pine Trees
If you really knew me, you would know I love the open forest.
You would know I like peace and quiet.
If you really knew me, you would know I do not like people.
You would know I like fishing.
If you really knew me, you would know my favorite thing to do is ride dirt bikes.
You would know I like to listen to music as much as possible.
You would know I hate big crowds.
If you really knew me, you would know I keep to myself as much as possible.

Entry #1759
Money and Anger
If you really knew me you would know this is my fourth time in juvenile hall.
You should know this isn’t nothing.
If you really knew me you would know that I really love money.
You should know it makes me feel lovely.
If you really knew me you would know I get out in a year.
You should know I did something wrong to get here.
If you really knew me you would know I think about my brothers and sisters every day.
You would know I’m the fourth oldest.
If you really knew me you would know this my last time in juvenile hall.
You should know I’m going to change my ways.
If you really knew me you would know I get angry fast.
You should know it just happens.

Entry #1760
LOUD
If you really knew me, you would know I lost my dad when I was 13.
you would knew  I get very emotional and depressed a lot.
you would knew  I am very impatient.
If you really knew  me, you would know I like to laugh way too much.
you would knew  I do NOT like being around loud people even though I am loud myself.
If you really knew  me, you would know I am always talking about my sisters.
you would knew  I have two brothers and three sisters.
If you really knew  me, you would know I do NOT like math.
If you really knew  me, you would know I keep my circle small.

Entry #1761
Jinx Blackout
While in custody at the juvenile hall, I was sentence to 365 days. I was released November 27 of last year. I finished my 9-month sentence from February to November. Therefore, after I was released, I told myself I was not going back to the hall unless it was for a serious crime, so now I’ve jinxed myself.

Entry #1762
Inhale Exhale
I have been locked up for 90 days and I got 350 days left. I wake up every day and always think to myself I got one less day till I go home. Every day before I go to sleep I think to myself, if I wasn’t here where would  I be? I wonder if I would still be breathing.

 Entry #1763
Stranger
Everyday you're missed. You left so willingly. Replaced by this stranger who looks, walks, and talks like you, but she doesn't have the sparkle in her eyes the way you used to; doesn't think the way we do. It's crazy to think back to when you were me because when I look into the mirror it’s not you I see.














Entry # 1719
Thoughts
If you really knew me you would know this is my first time being in juvenile hall.
You would know I hate being locked up.
If you really know me, you would know I like to play basketball and football because they’re fast sports.
You would know I used to have a pit-bull and a boxer until I lost them: my boxer died and my pit got stolen.
If you really knew me, you would know I pray every night before I go to sleep or anytime I eat.
You would know I like to play fortnight on my free time.
You would know my fav food is Takis and Cheetos.
If you really know me, you would know when I lay down in my pod I always get thoughts about my family.


Entry #1720
Tying Shoes
Thing #1 you should know about me is I have never had a felony charge.
Thing #2 the only dead body I've ever seen is my best friend’s.
Thing #3 I have 13 other siblings, 9 of which I know are alive.
Thing #4 you should know about me is I have a brother I've never met before.
Thing #5 like a lot of other people, I don't know my biological father.
Thing #6 I am not a person who makes friends easily.
Thing #7 you should know about me is I've never been to the ocean but I have been to India.
Thing #8 I have only shot a gun 3 times and all in the same day.
Thing #9 it took me till the 8th grade to learn how to tie my shoes.
Thing #10 you should know about me is that to me there's a difference between friends and homies. Friends are people that are there for you, watch your back, and stop you from making dumb decisions. Homies are the ones you can party with, do stupid stuff with, and they are also the ones you’re most likely to get in trouble with.

Entry #1721
CHANGE!  
I was a poor kid growing up with family problems like most people I know.
I remember the first time I went to a foster home I was just 3 years old.
I heard people tell me I was never going to become anything in life.
I saw drug use around me all the time growing up.
I worried that I was going to end up just the same lost in life depending on drugs to make me happy.
I thought I was never going to use drugs.  
But, I want to change.
I am an 18-year-old girl and was a drug addict for 3 years.
I think I am useless and that I will not get far in life.
I need to finish school and do my time.
I try to better myself each day I spend here in JJC.
I feel sad having to be me and when I start to think of my family and how I let them down.
I forgive my family for not being perfect but they always tried so hard to give me everything they could.
Now I can change.
I will finish school and graduate.
I choose to stay sober once I get out.
I dream of being able to buy my parents a house to take them out of our struggle.
I hope I learn from my mistakes to show my parents I am better than who I use to be.
I predict I am going to have my downfalls because no one is perfect.
I know I can accomplish my goals if I stay positive and strong for my family and myself.
I will change.

Entry #1722
Getting It Together
If you really knew me, you would know I like to ride bmx bikes and hit dirt jumps.
you would know I love racing dirt bikes.
you would know I'm smart but hate homework.
If you really knew me, you would know I love animals. I have two dogs.  
If you really knew me, you would know the main person in my life is my dad. He is like my best friend.
you would know I want to get my stuff together and get out of juvenile hall.
If you really knew me, you would know I want to go back to a regular high school and get my diploma.

Entry #1723
If You Really Knew Me Poem
If you really knew me, you would know that I’m not bad.
If you really knew me, you would know that I’m sad for the things I once had.
I feel quite bad for the way that I acted and feelings I brought
But I know it will all change from some good words with God up top.

Entry #1724
Changed
I was once crazy in the head.
I remember when my brother passed.
I heard my great grandma, who acted like my mother, was sick.
I saw my mother be abused.
I worried that my little brother followed in my footsteps.
I thought at times I would rather be dead because I did not care.
But I want to change.
I am a solid individual.
I think before I react.
I need to watch my anger.
I try not to jump to conclusions right away.
I feel angry all the time.
I forgive my parents for everything.
Now I can change.
I will prove others wrong who think that I’m only a screw up.
I choose to be the best older brother to my siblings, be the best son to my parents, also the best father to my daughter. 
I dream to care for my family and make the most money I can.
I hope to not return to custody. I predict that I will accomplish my goals and succeed.
I know I can do anything I put my mind to.  
I will change.

Entry #1725
Toatin’ Freedom
If you really knew me, you would know….
I’m proud of being Black
That the hardest thing I have ever done is being away from my family
One piece of good news from my life this month is I got a deal
My relationship with my family is good
What I find most difficult about coming to school is doing homework
What I love about school is the girls
That my biggest dream is to get out of jail
The person I feel closest to is my best friend because we’ve done a lot of things together
If I had three wishes, I would wish to be home, be next to my girl, and have a lot of money
My biggest fear is not getting out
I would give anything to see freedom, but
I believe in toatin’ firearms.

Entry #1726
Whatever I Put My Mind To
I was just a kid running the streets.
I remember dark nights and bright candles.
I heard gunshots and people crying.
I saw my friend lose his life.
I worried that I would be next.
I thought of myself locked up or dead.
But, I want to change.
I am a believer.
I think I can be someone better.  
I need to ask for support from my family.  
I try to be good.
I feel lost and ashamed.
I forgive myself for my past behaviors.  
Now I can change.
I will be someone important in life.  
I choose to be closer to my family.
I dream to have my own things in life, because then I will be more appreciative of what life gives me.
I hope to be a successful person.
I predict myself opening up my own animal rescue.  
I know I can accomplish whatever I put my mind to.
I will change.  

Entry #1727
Like Him
1 You should know I am a middle child of 10 kids: 5 are my moms and 5 are my dads. But I'm the only one born from my mom and dad.
2 I would die for my family.
3 I grew up in the Bay Area mainly San Jose and Santa Cruz
4 I don't really know my biological father. Last time I saw him it was 2009 and he was arrested for beating up a guy that tried to kidnap me. Which explains why I hate authority.
5 I have been locked up about 15 times for things ranging from petty theft to guns and drug charges.
6 I was born in a local hospital and I died for 3 minutes and 33 seconds before being revived.
7 You should know I hate school.
8 I have 15 dogs. 4 Pit Bulls 1 Rat Dog 2 German Shepard's 2 Rottweilers 2 Doberman Pinschers and 4 Huskys.
9 you should know I'm 15 and am "6' 1".
10 I look up to my older brother who was a criminal, like me, but changed and owns a business in Oregon. I'm going to be like him one day.

Entry #1728
Leaving the Bad Stuff Behind
If you really knew me you would know I've rode BMX since I was 15 years old. I'm not the best but I am pretty good. It's my hobby and favorite thing to do. It is what I really want to do for the rest of my life.
You would know that I've been locked up 4 times since June of last year and now I'm in a long term program, also, that I regret a lot of the stuff I did.
If you really knew me, you would know I'm the first child in my family of four: my Mom, Dad, and little sister who is 12.
If you really knew me you would know I'm a very active person who hates sitting around. I get bored very easy that is one of the reasons I'm locked up. I've had ADHD all my life.
You would know I've moved around a lot in my life. I've lived in Montana, California, Illinois, Washington, where I was born, and Oregon.
You would know I've been to countless schools. The longest I've stayed at a school is while I've been locked up.
You would know my dream is to join the military. I have wanted to join the marines since I was small. I want to join and be a field mechanic or a infantry man.
If you really knew me you would know I have lived in the same town for three years, but that's where I started getting into trouble.
You would know me and my dad have built cars since I was little and that's what sparked my interest in cars.
If you really knew me, you would know that after I get out of here I'm planning on moving to Montana with my grandparents and leaving the bad part of my life behind. And I'll probably be going to boot camp out there.

Entry #1729
Distancing Fear
If you really knew me, you would know…
I’m proud of my talent
That the hardest thing I have ever done is sat in this place
My relationship with my family is amazing
What I love most about school is having good test scores
That my biggest dream is to be freed
The person I feel closest to is my dad because he has done nothing but cared for me
If I had three wishes, I would wish to be back with my pops and step-mom, to see my sisters and brothers, and to be layin’up with my girl
My biggest fear is staying locked up
I believe in myself

Entry #1730
My Change Poem  
I was a troublemaker.  
I remember when I fought with my family.  
I heard that I was the worst sister ever.
I saw my anger come out of me.  
I worried about my anger coming out again.
I thought I was going to end up on the streets and my family would give up on me.
But, I want to change.
I am a not so perfect, loving child.
I think everybody makes mistakes.

I need to keep my head on my shoulders.
I try to be sure to make the right decision at all times.
I feel like I can be a better person and achieve my goals.
I forgive my loved ones I struggled with.
Now I can change.
I will be a role model to my family and friends.
I choose to do the right thing in life and try to achieve my goals to better myself.
I dream that someday I will be a loving mom just like my mother.
I hope someday I will be the sweet young lady my mother taught me to be.
I predict to be a successful and happy young lady.
I know that I will be a person to change people’s lives.
I will change.

Entry #1731
Anything for Better
If you really knew me, you would know…
One piece of good news from my life this week is I might get out
My relationship with my family is great
That I find most difficult about coming to school is waking up
What I love most about school is lunch
My biggest dream is to possibly be a football player
The person I feel closest to is mom because she understands me
My biggest fear is being gone forever
I would give anything to see me doing better than ever
I would change my lifestyle
I believe in God.

Entry #1732
Making the Best Of It
I was born and raised here.  I'm 17 years old and I'm a very outgoing person. I'm a very chill person, but when I get angry, I snap...I lose it! People tell me I have anger issues. I never wanted to believe it, but sadly I'm starting to realize it's true. I hate being where I'm at, which is currently the County Juvenile Hall. I started realizing I have anger issues while in this place, because when I get angry I love inflicting pain on somebody or breaking something, and obviously I can't do that in here. Anger gives me anxiety.
I feel like a big part of me is my friends and family; they're a big part of who I am. I'm not exactly too good in school. I started cutting school in the 8th grade and officially dropped out in 9th grade. This is where my short temper came into play. I had enemies and idiots who would simply bother me and I felt like it was my job to take care of it by fighting. It seemed to me like the teachers cared, but not enough to do something about it. I never got to attend real high school. By the time I hit 8th grade I was at a continuation school.
As I've grown over the years I realized I have a tremendous amount of pride, and my loyalty is strong, especially if I consider you my brother or family. Sadly but true my loyalty has taken the heat for my close ones, and my anger has exploded on people who did my family wrong.
I really enjoy going to Upper Park with my close friend and hiking the Indian caves. We enjoy the view and blow off steam. Growing up, I really enjoyed yo-yoing. I learned at school from my peers, I haven't yo-yoed in a while but I feel like I still got it.
Nowadays, I really enjoy music and sports. My favorite music is gangster rap. I've been dying to listen to my playlist. Other than music, I really enjoy sports. I'm not good at every sport, but I really enjoy soccer, basketball, and football.
Growing up living where I did, I'm surprised I didn't catch a serious charge until my 17 years of life. I guess I was slick for only so long. They're charging me with 2 felonies. I guess the upside to this whole sticky situation is I can make the best of it now and graduate school. As you know by reading my story I didn't think I was gonna graduate. 


Entry #1733
True Calling
If you really knew me you'd know that
I am a loyal understanding person with a low GPA
Growing up I skated, danced, and all types of things trying to find my true calling and still haven't discovered it.
To this day I know what makes me happy, but it never works in my favor so I was categorized as a common criminal. What makes me happy is helping people anyway, no matter the cost.
I love tattoos and I have 3, but I hate being judged. I hate when people aren't really themselves.
People think I'm smart and have lots of potential, but I never seem to feel it nor see it in myself.
I honestly like knowledge and hope to have tons one day.
I can see right through people and get at least an idea of who they really are quickly.
I have a lot of common sense. It's hard to get by me.
I am an emotional dude and tend to manipulate without trying.
I have 6 felonies including my current ones and they do not define me!

Entry #1734
CHANGE
I was young and depressed.
I was always sad and angry.
I remember being left alone by myself.
I heard my mom yelling at me and putting me down.
I saw her hit me multiple times.
I worried that she hated me.
I thought to myself I have no one.
But, I want to change.
I am older and happier.
I think I’m better on my own.
I need to be positive because everything I’ve been through was negative.
I try not to turn back to my old ways of negativity.
I feel worthless.
I forgive her for all the pain and suffering she put me through.
Now I can change.
I will be better than her.
I choose to be positive and learn from my past.
I dream that I’ll be successful.
I hope that one day I can move on from my past.
I predict that I will not be ashamed to be myself.
I know I’m not worthless.
I will change.

Entry #1735
Making Great Accomplishments
If you really knew me you would know that this is my 12th month being locked up and I only have 2 more months left.
You would know that I caught my first charge when I was 15 which was a felony. If I could go back and not do it I would because I would not be in the system .
You would know that throughout high school I dropped out many times. I would never go. Now that I have been here for so long I only have 19 credits left and will be graduated in the next 2 months!
If you really knew me you would know that I am now 18 years old and am just now realizing that I can make great accomplishments in my life.
You would know that I have an amazing girlfriend that I can't thank God enough for. I have known her since I was 8. She is my best friend, my queen, my everything.
If you really knew me, you would know that growing up, I had some bad times and felt as if I was worthless in this world. Now I am striving and I am going to keep striving and I’m not going to let my past determine my future.
If you really knew me you would know that I hate being locked up and when I get out I’m going to do everything in my power not to ever come back to places like this.
You would know that I love working outdoors and that when I get out I am going to work for the CCC (California Conservation Corps).
You would know that I love being around people.
If you really knew me you would know that I am going to make the best out of my life and my future.

Entry #1736
Calm Learning
If you really knew me, you would know…
My relationship with my family is fine
That what I find most difficult coming to school is being around people
What I love most about school is learning
The person I feel closest to is ______ because he is
The way most people see me or label me is calm
My biggest fear is death. 

Entry #1737
I Was Normal
I ride BMX bikes  I used to ride scooters but I hit my face on the half pipe and I started riding BMX bikes instead.
I love to play GTA 5 it is my favorite game
I have a dog named Bingo he is hella cute. I don't know what type of dog he is though.
I’m a foster kid. I was 5 months old when I got put in foster care. I was adopted at age 6 months. I grew up with a foster mom and dad. I was a normal kid and I was doing good until 3rd grade. I got suspended the first day and 4th grade. I got expelled the first week and I stopped going to school. Now I’m in 7th grade and I don't go to school...until I got here and it makes me want to go to school again.

Entry #1738
Things You Should Know About Me
1.I am the oldest out of 3 kids. My little brother is nine. My little sister is 12.
2. When I was about 9 years old I had an appendicitis attack. I was a couple hours close to dying.
3. I have been arrested four times: all within three months.
4. When I was 11 years old I raced BMX. I was going on a winning streak and I hit a jump wrong and crashed falling off a wall. I hit my head,rolled my ankle, fractured my wrist, and had to go to the hospital. I blacked out and had a concussion. I was really out of it for 2 days. I haven't raced since.
5. Last year me and my close homeboy were riding a motorbike all around town. We ended up at one-mile and lost control. We were going straight towards the water and my homeboy told me not to jump off: and I didn't listen. I missed the water. My leg smashed on the concrete.  I had road burn from my ankle to the top of my thigh and my knee was super bruised. We had his dad come pick us up and I didn't walk for like a week I was in so much pain.
6. Over the summer of last year I went to Texas to stay with my aunt. I took a train out their and I'm very into photography so I took a lot of pictures, especially In New Mexico and past the border, as well as many other places ( I don't remember the names). When I got home a week later I broke my phone and lost all the pictures I had taken.  Well over 100.
7. About two months ago I was on the run from probation. I was hanging out downtown at the park, I was in a really good mood, not worried about anything and me and all my friends were all hanging out having a good time and then all of a sudden they all got quiet. I turned to see probation coming from several directions.  

Entry # 1739
Change
I was a bad little kid and a thief.
I remember when my little brother died.
I heard bad things from older people growing up.
I saw people doing drugs.
I worried that I wouldn’t be loved.
I thought I would never get to this point.
But, I want change.
I am in the process of becoming a successful person.
I think that anybody can be successful in life.
I need to stop smoking and drinking.
I try and not think about what others have to say about me.
I feel very stressed and depressed.
I forgive my mom and dad for never being there.
Now I can change.
I will go to school.
I choose to stay out of trouble.
I dream that I can be successful in life.
I hope that I will be successful.
I know that I can change my life around.
I will change

Entry #1740
Making Mama Smile
If you really knew me, you would know…
I am proud of my bros
That the hardest thing I have ever done is give out passes
One piece of good news from my life this week is my niece is turning one
My relationship with my family is Gucci and Gabana
I find most difficult about coming to school is sitting in boring-ass classes
My biggest dream is to get 5 million dollars
The person I feel closest to is _______ because that’s my fella fella
If I had three wishes, I would wish for a million dollars, my brother succeeding, and my mama getting everything she needs
The funniest thing I remember happening is hitting and running
The way most people see me or label me is a bad fella
My biggest fear is dying broke
I would give anything to see my mama smile
I wouldn’t change anything ‘bout my family
I believe in Allah


Entry #1741
My Poem for Change
I was just a little boy running around my neighborhood being bad
I remember I fell one time and busted my head
I heard that if I bled a lot I would die...people don’t know how I was feeling \
I was worried that I was going to die, I just couldn’t stop crying  
Then I realized I would be okay and make it through many beautiful days; that little wounds won’t affect me and I’ll always keep on moving forward. I don’t let things get in the way of that
But I want to change  
I am older now and I don’t do as many kid things as I used to do when I was younger  
I think as I got older I started looking at things differently  
I needed to get up and get a job not only for me but for my daughter  
I try to do well and still stay in the hood but that’s not how the game works  
I feel like I’m stuck in this life and I’m going to forever be stuck  
I forgive everyone who says I wouldn’t make it  
Now I can change  
I will get a job and be there for my daughter  
I choose not to go to the hood as much and kick back
I dream that one day I will be where I want to be and I’ll have a fat car and house with my family in it  
I hope my dream will come true because I’m going to put in the best I got for it to be here  
I predict it will come soon because the path I’m taking is beautiful  
I know I will do the best I can to give my daughter what she wants and what she needs