This edition of the Writing Exchange is primarily poetry written for the Poetry 99 contest (Poems under 99 words). Winning poetry can be viewed in the April 6th edition of the Chico News and Review.

Entry #1369

“Camping”

God cried,

As we set up our tent.

His tears were like my 7 year old expectations of life,

Falling.

Tomorrow, we sell the laptop

For motel and Top Ramen money.

Tonight, we watch Shrek on it.

Some plans fall apart,

Like shaking up a puzzle.

The world is cold,

And I'm sheltered in my mother's warm embrace.

That's what matters.

Besides,

I'm not meant to suffer through school

Instead my mom and I shower in the creek,

Where I'm one with the minnows,

And free from math class

Entry #1370

Pardon Me

Clenched fist

of restrictions

Left me numb

Careless, inspiration

Of family

Of which I am grateful.

Angry despair

Meets temporary freedom

I hope to keep

Without life's interruptions  

Entry # 1371

Compulsion

White and pink crystals.

Black crashing of consciousness.

I'm expressionless, hopeless, worried.

Gratitude when the gunshots end.

Confident about changing

to make loved ones proud.

Enthusiastically destroying my dependency.

Disfunction turned to respect,

And loyalty to neglect.

Demanding and selfish addiction

Tearing my family apart.

Entry # 1372

Apprehension

Anxious mission

Furious, but patient

Looking inside the mirror

Seeing two people

Cold brick walls

Starving me for freedom

Potion of joy

Wearing off to deception

I numb myself by saying things I don't mean

I'm just a girl trying to break free

Entry # 1373

Got Me Where I Am Today

Tweaking leaves me

White faced

& ready for the mortician

Searching hopelessly

Lost & alone

As my first love was

Running, searching for more rocks to catch my breath on

As I inhale the smoke

Now, sitting, staring at the same four walls

Reminiscing on what landed me here in the first place

False love of chasing black tar

Entry #1374

Locked Away

He lies awake.

In this asylum, they bind him.

Taking his hope, as he prays to go home.

Locked in his head,

Body half dead.

Wish he could sleep,

For it’s the only time he’s free.

Though his thoughts are too deep,

He’s admitting defeat.

As he climbs the winding stairs,

To his room where no one dares.

He finds himself alone,

Concrete chilling to the bone.

He asks the man behind his door,

His body shaken to the core.

“Have you ever felt forgotten?”

But he answers not.

The moon light glares through the small window,

His only vision of hope.

I lay here awake,

In this asylum, they bind me.

Losing all hope,

As I pray to go home.

Entry #1375

I Cannot Say

I am from dirt roads and paved boulevards

I am from the weather of unpredictability and endless marching missions of adventure

From endless top ramen noodles to enchanting platters of delicacies

From the matrix of a repeated cycle of predictability

I am from a sandbox of diamonds in the rough who know not

I am from tattered ruins and desolate monasteries

From legends of the dirt to tales of dust

From waste dumps and military fundamentals

I am from curiosity plagued by dullness

I am from anger, happiness, and confusion

From dreams infected with regret

From hope infected with sorrow

I am from kingdoms built upon ashes, trash, and broken glass

I am a from sanctuaries in a sand storm

From divided faiths and false beliefs

From treacherous greed turned to unselfish charity

I am from a place where you know not what you drink

I am from a place where you care not what you eat

From unsatisfiable hunger

From relentless compulsion

I am from a mousetrap for those who are happy to be unhappy

I am from a place where when you stay, you grieve and when you leave, you return

From not a place of no return, but a place of calling

From not a place of what is, but what you make it

Where I am from I cannot say, because where I am from is not where I belong

Entry # 1376

Stranded

The unnoticed

pain of regret

Overrun by the piercing

gaze of beauty.

Frantically masking

my grave expressions

with a grayish cloak.

Crudely sculpted red fingers

reaching for my soul.

Headlong ambitions

won't allow me

to be consumed.

Stacked between

good and evil

as if I'm the boy in the novels.

Stuck between

living my dreams

and abiding by the laws

of reality.

Entry #1377

El Diablo Rejoiced

Crimson pools of lava,

Bubbling away.

On his magnificent brow,

Sweat beaded.

Not from the scenery of the damned,

But his flaming passion.

Which brought life to his cadaver,

And trapped him in this dimension,

Of eternal false paradise.

In which,

He slaved away.

Traded his soul for the promise of immortality,

And the freedom to lavishly pursue his studies.

In reality, duped.

Awakened from his lifeless slumber with a question.

"How can I enslave humanity?"

He fiended for the answer for countless millennia.

Before replying,

"With this dollar."

Entry #1378

Feeling Ill

These cold hearted brick walls

only get colder as I return

These green t shirts

make my stomach turn

I think about the outside world  so much

it makes my head hurt

I lost loved ones and it makes

my heart burn

Entry # 1379

Where I’m From

I am from city lights and Vegas nights,

From Monday mornings and late night stories.

From the snowy streets and the islands beach.

I am from Sunday school and “Too cool for school.”

From up before noon and sleeping past two.

From Harvard education to a bad reputation.

I am from highs and lows,

Still wondering exactly where I’ll go.

Entry # 1380

Restraints

A pleasant pain,

With no sign of ease.

Glass blades,

Slashing through my dedication.

Coral gold teeth,

My blank ticket, to amount to nothing.

Glistening doors,

To illuminate the path of my future.

Making my destiny,

As transparent as the oxygen we breathe.

Deep royal doors,

Leaving no chance to escape.

Entry # 1381

Managed Anticipation

Refurbished agitation campaigning in my head

Managing the dis that staff give

Lost in the breathtaking rest we get

The arriving and departing intakes

Aggravated assault on the way

Burglary caused me this stay

Enthusiastic about the future

Waiting for the my release to arrive

Entry # 1382

Making Paper

Family encourages me to make paper

sources assured me I'd get free

I won't break bread with you

As if I run away

Insults show me

I'm doing good

Thrilling bands, cold hearts

Frisky cops

Pungent brick walls

green shirts, weeping hearts

Beautiful sorrow

Diamonds in my mouth cuz

I won't break bread

Trapped like a never ending hangover.

Entry #1383

The Wind

When my day comes, will it last?

Will it stay?

It comes around every year in the month of May.

We celebrate and yell hurray.

We have a fun day.

We pray we get to see another year.

I could be gone and my family will shed tears.

To be honest I am sincere.

Lost my sister for a year.

Gone to the wind and I am shedding tears.

Lost and I still wish she was here.

Entry #1384

(270 Days In) How I Feel

Faded like the addict on the first day of release

Connected- Injected- Rejected- Infected

Jaded like the minority getting questioned by police

Suspected- Collected- Dissected- Inspected

Invaded like a beauty finding ways to make a buck

Selected- Directed- Subjected- Objected

Traded like the wedding ring of the gambler out of luck                            

Prospected- Neglected- Reflected- Deflected

Entry # 1385

Lovely Pain

My heart was betrayed

By her abnegation of love

Dauntless barriers

And laughing white walls.

I wanted amity,

Two years of true love

Left me terrified.

Cold confinement

Lonely nights

This new beginning

Is a beautiful struggle.

Entry # 1386

One Way Mirror

I look for something happy.

But never found.

I'm surrounded by cold cell walls.

I can feel the pain of the people who once stayed in this room.

My cell reminds me of a caged animal,

of what I might be.

I sit in a room of disbelief,

in front of a one way mirror,

knowing I'm being watched.

Looking at the person I have become today,

in the reflection of the window.

I’m a man.  

Entry #1387

Poetry 99

Ninety-nine words but what do they mean,

Ninety-nine words but what’s to believe,

Ninety-nine words to be labeled nice or mean,

Ninety-nine words a conversation or speech,

Ninety-nine words to silently comprehend before opportunity to speak,

Ninety-nine words could be strong or weak,

Ninety-nine words may hurt won’t cause you to bleed,

Ninety-nine words may give you strength in a time of need,

Ninety-nine words where trust you may seek,

Ninety-nine words to differentiate and decipher truth from make believe,

Ninety-nine words to oppose or agree,

Ninety-nine words is more than I will ever need to succeed.

Entry # 1388

To Warm Us

My hunger is dim,

Yet closely found.

My fortress is hostile,

compassionate, brave.

In its hearth, a clueless wood log burns to warm us.

I yearned for the heat to warm my heart,

I was never lucky,

Yet forever blessed.  

Entry # 1389

Rite of Passage

Even with the abuse

my cold heart

never stops beating.

Stressed emotions

always get in the way.

Like grey walls

curling around me.

I'm going on a journey

but I'm too fast to keep up with.

Life as empty as a chair

in an abandoned house.

Feeling mournful.

with burnt passion and cigarette ashes.

The only thing I cared about left

She’s on her own adventure.

Curiosity is bubbling up.

Without restraint.

Running from the law.

She is never coming back.

Entry #1390

Sin Is Ter

The rocks were sinister individuals

They laid reluctantly beneath the trees transfixed

Collaborating together to stir their victim into oblivion

Only to leave behind a crimson mess

Burgundy stripes to caged insanity

What an extraordinary world we live in

Entry #1391

Tangerines

Jaded photography's decision

of disappointment

Shootings joyful protection

relaxed money aggressive

Jewelry hangs from trees

imagined bargain lumbering

From the weeds

overwhelmed dirty leaves

skunks famous smell

Tangerines    

Entry #1392

Thinking Twice

Broken window of Xanax

Calming me down

While these brick wall’s surprise at the effort

As if the car door lost its enthusiasm after a hard crash into life

A depressed incarceration

Thinking twice about using

An anxious shot to appreciate this lifestyle

Entry #1393

Young, Blessed, and Free

Shoes laced up

counting guap

Liberty blue strips are my ticket

Fighting alone

Emerald green is all I wanted to see

An eruption

of poinsettia red

materialized

More vibrant as I got older

The color consumed my life

my way of living

Actions pushed me

close to death

To solidify my place

in this new life

Tattoos cover my body

like a book

Invincible I thought

I was surprised when

I realized

how unlucky I am

Hands behind my back

Cuffs on my wrist

Listening to the rules I am to follow

for the next eight months

Entry #1394

First In Line

My beautiful girlfriend stacks bands ‘cause she has ambitions

Bands of hope that stack high

Trapped in my cell of hatred

Walls of anger forming in my heart

Cold hearted money builds as sadness increases

Hostile gangs offer incarceration and I'm the first in line

Prisoners increase with money discrete

as if hatred can defeat the love for the streets

Entry #1395

Struggle

I grew up in the struggle.

My mother grew up in the struggle.

Life is full of struggles

When there was no food in the house but rice

I went and stole me something nice

In and out of this place has me thinking about my life

I pray for brighter days but yet it’s still night

I still have more time but yet it’s alright.

I learned how to adapt to this life.

I wish to go ghost just so I could have peace in my life

I miss my mother the one to tell me it’s alright.

Entry #1396

For My Cousin

Homie it was sad seeing your closed casket

After everything, we had I watched you get blasted

Praying to the Lord with no answer got me asking

Does he even exist

Am I talking to the mist

Should I dedicate the blood from my wrist

But then I think about my life

You didn't take yours so why take mine

You were willing to shine

You kept it strong

Showed me down a path to live my life long

It's a shame your path was cut off

Your blood splattered on my face every time you coughed

I remember the day I felt your heart stop

Now I hear your voice in my dreams

The nightmares keep me from sleep

Scared to close my eyes, so I started to tweak

I see you in my mind and I can't help but scream

Why couldn't it have been me

Just lay me to rest

I'm willing to accept  my death

I'm sick of my life and I'm sick of crystal meth

I'm four months clean

Now I only kick it with myself and me

I know I look happy but it's not as it seems

It's been three years

2015 I was shedding them tears

And I still hear the drowning sound of your voice in my ears

Blood is thicker than water until you mix it with the rain

Then it adds up to the pain

That continues to drive people insane

One day we'll be back together

See you through the bad weather

Rest in peace to ***** **** imma miss you forever

It's been three years since I got that last letter

Saying when your funeral was

That's when I went on a dope smoke buzz now I'm missing you big cuz

And I'm spreading your story because

It needs to be told

You died at 25 years old

They turned your lil homies heart cold

And for what

all over a busted up truck

That **** stupid homie I don't give a ****

I could have helped you save up the change

Now I'm making money in so many different ways

Cashing out without you got me feeling strange

Because money is the reason you died

You traded a couple of grand for the rest of your life

You made the whole family cry

Now I'm just asking God why

You were smart with decisions so dumb

Now them Oxys got me feeling numb

And I'm putting them toxins in my lungs

Try and forget the flash from the barrel of that gun

12 gauge sawed off with a pistol grip

Every night I'm reliving it

Now ****** got hit with the second degree

Now his people are coming after me

Still you can find me walking the streets

All I know is you will be missed

My ignorance is bliss

So imma continue to wish

What else is God gonna make me see

Bin shot at and witnessed death before the age of 18

I been showing thugs love, so what does that make me

From a baby straight to a beast

But I gotta keep it together for my cousin who’s deceased.

Entry # 1397

Souls

Souls may creep, weep, and never sleep

They may never eat, cheat, and repeat

They cannot harm me

Never alarm me

So I find myself asking “You and what army?”

They spy and cry, always asking who

They chant and rant, not knowing what to do

No such ghost, only souls who have lost their way

They cannot touch nor harm nor slay

Entry #1398

Growing Up

        I have been on my own since I was five years old. My dad got locked up and I had to be the man of the house. I have five sisters and no brothers. My mom was struggling and needed help, so I started grinding to help my mother and sisters.

        I was getting money and my mom was scared and worried for me. I told her I was going to do anything to get this money. My mom cried every night, praying that I would be alright. My sisters had to get jobs to help pay the rent. We got by every month and had extra money to buy food and clothes.

        Ten years later my dad got released. He stated his own business from some money he had. When his business came together, he started making money. We moved into a house and had extra money.

        I began doing things that made my mom start worrying even more. My sisters called me every day trying to help me, but I ignored them. I started doing the wrong things and ended up getting locked up. I have been in here trying to change my ways. When I get out I am going to change my ways for my family and myself.

Entry #1399

What I Do

Labels are things that make or break you. Thankfully, in my case my label is a positive one that really reflects on me. Most people tell me I'm nice, quiet, and respectful. I give people respect until I'm disrespected. I always give people a chance no matter what. A good label on your name is a good thing because then people would want to get to know you if they do not know you yet. I grew up with the saying, “Treat people the way you want to get treated,” so that’s exactly what I do.

Entry #1400

My Real Name is Mom

I’ve always been the girl to do crimes, then get locked up and do some time. I love to fight and I don’t know why. Now I have a baby and I know she needs me. By the time I get out, she might forget me. I hate to think that but I know I did that. I hate to think she might not have a mom because I only know how to do wrong. Since I am going to be in here for so long, maybe I can work on changing my life around and show my baby what mommy is really about. I can try to make her really proud. I sit in my cell day by day wondering if I will ever change. I always felt everyone saw nothing in me but what I do wrong. Now I want to show them that I am really strong and they are wrong. I want to show them I am a very proud mom.