Entry #2099
Where I Wrote This
I am from a broken home. From liars, thieves, and criminals. I am from good nights and bad nights: days that could deceive us and nights that I have fallen a victim to. I am from a loving mother with a heart of gold. And a father that feared success. I am from loyalty and chaos. From swimming days and too much family to fit into one car. I am from poverty. I am from a bad intuition and a guilty conscience. I am from a hectic household. From six kids in one room to hand-me-down clothes and bunk beds. From not knowing the difference between right and wrong. I am from growing up too early. From gang fights, substance abuse, and lockdown facilities. I am from a world that determines what your future holds. A place that keeps you isolated against your will. You may not notice it from looking at me but I am from good intentions. I am from ‘’You can't cry,’’ and ‘’Don’t be a b****.” I’m from a life sentence. Most importantly, I am from the cell where I wrote this.

Entry #2100
Waiting For The Moment
I’m from thuggin’ to provide for your family.
From the trenches and the need to carry a gun.
I’m from the slums where it’s not unusual for people to lose their own life.
From a dog eat dog world, watch who you keep close.
I’m from “If you’re not dying, you’re fine.”
I’m from avoiding needles on the floor that the tweakers left behind.
I’m from the heart of the ________ where nobody wants to fight to settle problems, it's left to bullets.
I’m from anger built deep in stomachs waiting for the moment to let loose.
I’m from either you do the time or the time does you.
I’m from chipped paint. From roaches piled in corners.
I’m from yelling and constant arguments.
From a place where your family loves you but there’s little expression.
Welcome to Where I’m From.

Entry #2101
Where Roosters Crow
I'm from that part of town where people call it hell
From no sidewalks to walk on
I'm from the elderly not waking up with the sound of gunshots because they're so used to them
I'm from barking dogs
From roosters crowing every morning
What this small town goes through is crazy
I’m from shootout, bodies dropping, and
from losing the people you love cuz they were at the wrong place at the wrong time
I’m from losing loved ones due to drunk driving
from where a crib with an empty fridge was common
I'm from waking up in the night, turning on the lights to take a piss and seeing all the roaches running
I'm from where you don't do the crime if you can't do the time
I'm from where you know not to snitch
I'm from walking to school cuz moms can't afford a whip
I'm from a block party every weekend
From where we all have each other's back
I'm from where everybody knows everybody southwest of the freeway
I'm from where loyalty runs a long way

Entry #2102
Fog
I remember the smell of weed, having lots of foggy memories. Seeing lots of pretty expensive glass. Watching glass blowing and making those nice pieces. I remember making art with crayons. I remember the DJ set my dad used to play. The sound of bubbling and seeing that foggy smoke, Always like a layer of fog in the house. Big tubs filled with plants, to make a green-like liquid that would turn to an orange/yellow. Sheets of something sticky and strong smelling, a candy skunk.

Entry #2103
Growing Up
I remember waking up and taking showers.
I remember hearing my family in the living room,
talking about all sorts of things.
I remember going to the park with the team.
I remember going to sleep hungry.
I remember cold nights, tryna make a buck.
I remember my mom getting on my head
for coming home late.
I remember beating up the road.
I remember not having a pot to piss in.
I remember when my pockets were touching.
I remember the fulfilling feeling
when the hood took me under.
I remember feeling hopeless.
I wish I could remember
a time when life was simple.

Entry #2104
Tattered Optimism
I’m from a home that never quite felt like home,
Where the dogs bark and the chickens talk,
Each morning same old feeling, arguing never stops,
I’m from thrift store clothes, tattered from other people,
From good times and bad times, it can never just be one,
From where you grow up and have to keep a gun,
I’m from where hope and optimism can never run,
Keep pushing and striving, that’s where I’m from.

Entry #2105
Nobody
I’ve felt the pain beneath the walls of the people I trusted.
Feeling scared to come back home, the abuse was real but no one believed.
I felt so scared, all I did was run away- losing hope and faith.
Leaned to the streets, bounced house to house.
I had no clue.
I felt abandoned, all alone.
But in the end, I still had nobody.

Entry #2106
Front Porch
I am from shooting guns off the front porch to kill boredom
From my python, Titan, wrapped around me
From breaking my wrist on a zipline
I am from, “Don’t be a dumbass”
I’m from my friend becoming my brother
From not eating til’ dinner
From robbing for fun
I am from running to avoid arrest
From knowing a 9 X 8 cell
From counting the 128 cinderblocks lining my room
I am from my 450 Honda 5-speed
And going fast with wind in my hair

Entry #2107
Alleyways
I’m from the sound of gunshots
From the smell of the smog
I’m from “It’s not safe to go outside.”
From hearing another person was found dead on a corner
I’m from where it’s easy to get into trouble
I’m from alleyways and being told to be home before dark
I’m from avoiding certain colors of clothing
From where you need to be a thug or in a gang
I’m from moms saying we need to move out of the hood
From where you get told *** will follow you no matter how far you move

Entry #2108
Waffles
I like playing with Legos
and eating Egos.

Waffles were the best
**** the rest.

Riding longboards was fun
when I was on the run.

Drinking alcohol
and playing basketball.

Entry #2109
I Am From
I am from moving homes all the time-
where I didn’t even have time to get used to it.
From waking up, being the only one home
and being responsible to get myself places.
Sometimes I didn’t go.
I’m from… basically raising myself since I was a kid.

Entry #2110

Where I Am From

I am from long hot summer days going to football practice and games.
I'm from hip-hop and R&B music on weekends.
I'm from going to my auntie's house with all my cousins, having the time of my life.

I'm from video games and late nights without sleep.
I’m from hide n seek throughout the neighborhood.
I'm from all-nighters with the homies.

I'm from getting my ass whooped after taking showers.
I'm from family gatherings at Great Grande's house.

Entry #2111
Graffiti Painted Walls
I am from low-riders around town.
I am from doorbell ditching
from where parents say do as I say not do as I do. I'm from hand-me-down sneakers each year and not Jordans or Nikes.
I’m from fights.
Im from “Chest out, chin up.”
From where kids have to do their chores.
I am from parents not singing lullabies.
I am from where there's graffiti painted walls.
From where we never go on vacation.
I am from it all.

Entry #2112
Saturday Morning
I’m from waking up early Saturday morning to go play football and smelling the wet grass.
I’m from where your parents always tell you to defend yourself and don’t let people talk about your family.
I’m from a tough household that never had my real dad in it.
I’m from where you always gotta watch your back because people are janky.
I’m from a place where I had to steal a drink because I got tired of drinking water at home.

Entry #2113
The Past
Eyes water, dripping in black
why cry if it just gets left behind.

Don’t run, don’t hide.
Soon life will move forward
And the past will stay.

Love like this won’t always
come and go.
So take a deep breath and
keep going.

Entry #2114
A Beautiful Place
I am from Northern Mariana Island.
A beautiful place
a calming ocean
dancing
partying
eating
We were all a family.
We make necklaces, hats, clothes, with just
banana leaves.
In my family, love is fake. Love tortures.
Love, hate.
Whenever you love someone and they don’t love you back,
That hurts.

Entry #2115
Get Out of Bed
I once was but a boy.
A boy with a dream.
But a dream was all it seemed.
At least for some time.
Mother said, “never give up son”.
For she knew, what I needed to fulfill was yet to be done.
The cool mornings, and fresh smell of good food,
As I rose out of bed, a full stomach I always assumed.
But as I got older, my life fell apart.
So I tried to seek love, to mend my broken heart.
One thing I feared that always affected me,
Was the light that seemed that there was none left to see.
Everyday was a struggle, and every instance a battle.
Because all I felt was my life beginning to crackle.
But one day I came to a realization,
that all I needed was to fight my battles and find my safe haven.
As I prepare for a new life ahead,
I think I finally see a reason to get out of bed.

Entry #2116
Life
Since day one, life has felt lonely.
My mom and pops just left me on the side of the road like I was some trash.
As a kid, mom was never there but I knew what she was supposed to be.
Pops, I just knew how I was made but never knew by who.
Heard a name in a couple stories but never wanted to be fooled.
All they said to me was “I am sorry” like I was a lost puppy.
For me, I used this as fuel to do things like football……
Then do drugs……. Quit football….. Then failing school…. Then locked up……

I just wanted to run.
I wanted to run like the boogie man is chasing me.
He wouldn’t stop for the longest time.
I thought drugs were the only option.
Come to find out, it was the only easy escape.
Drugs- I didn’t have to do anything but put something in my mouth or nose.

You know, I’ve changed since my mom’s passing.
It made me feel sad because I would never get the chance to see her change.
God did it for a reason.
But……. what was the reason for breaking a family's heart? My heart?
When my mom started to improve, that stopped because of His inconvenience.

Back to pops. I heard he is a pimp.
I never knew this before.
The guy on my birth certificate isn’t my real dad.
I’ve heard some ****** up stuff in my life but my pops has done worse.
It’s not alright.
That’s why I have made changes in myself.
Because sometimes everything is ****.
Life is sometimes just ****.
But I have to persevere through the worst of times because everything gets better over time.

If I could rewind, I would have never committed a crime.
It would have been a thought not an action because isn’t that what we wish had happened?

Entry #2120
Fall
So easily people will fall
To quit on dreams, they once had
You can be anything you want
Yet some choose to not try
Afraid of failure
You can’t be an angel wanting to be at the top
And be scared to fly.

Entry #2121
So This is My Life
So this is my life.
Sigh
Yelling, loud noises, things that hurt me.
Cigs, Febreze, heated wax melts.
Hitting, hiding in the deep green leaves of my backyard trees.
Drugs……, ah, it's so bittersweet, the warm caramel feeling.
Thinking back now, I fall to my feet.
The ambivalent confines of my backyard fence.
I wince thinking I never stayed in the shade of those wild, deep green trees.
I left my backyard to get my freedom.
Now I am stuck in a place with yelling and loud noises, things that hurt me.
Although it was rough, I want to go back to what I had.
It wasn’t that bad.
Back to the house, to those backyard trees.
I need to find something for myself, otherwise, I’ll never be freed.